


Ladykiller

by tari_roo



Category: Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Crossover, Drabble, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-13
Updated: 2011-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-27 18:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/665206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tari_roo/pseuds/tari_roo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raj seeks some expert advice from his favourite blogger, Barney Stinson. Written for the now defunct crossovers_las</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ladykiller

 

*

Reply Post to Blog Post: The Playbook: Play 111 The Defacto Default

From: TheMightyRaj

Dear Mr Stinson. Long time reader, first time posting. I am a huge fan of your work. While I have tried many of your wonderful techniques in recent weeks, I must admit to almost complete and utter failure. This is no reflection on your most excellent ‘plays’ but rather on my inability to speak to women unless drunk. This has resulted in some serious... setbacks. Whilst attempting the ‘Don’t Drink That,’ I bought them ’clean’ cocktails and drank my own and then ....passed out L I thought I could pull off the ‘SNASA’ as I am an astrophysicist and know about the actual NASA and my best friend works for NASA but she got bored and I didn’t notice until too late and I ended up talking to a plant. I even tried ‘the Ted Mosby’ but cried so much about my wedding that I wet myself and well... she left, quite quickly I might add. Please help, I am desperate, Mr Stinson.  
I want to attempt ‘the Lorenzo von Matterhorn’ but would like your advice, tips, anything. What am I doing wrong?

Yours sincerely,

Raj Koothrappali

 

Reply to Reply Post to Blog Post: There IS NO Playbook: ~~Play 111 The Defacto Default~~

From: the BroMaster

Dear Raj (can I call you Raj?) You may have noticed an extensive credit and IP address check being conducted on you from Goliath National Bank but pay it no mind. Now that I am certain that you are 100% male and not Lily Aldren, I can offer you what will be the best advice you will ever receive.

General tip no 1: As much as the best play involves improvisation, you need to stick to the bare facts. Don’t let your target women have the time to ‘think’ about anything more than you. ‘Focus!’

First, you are ideally suited to pull off ‘the Lorenzo von Matterhorn’ being both foreign and shy. Your unusual accent and non-threatening demeanour will work to your advantage.

Second, establish a fansite page, covering both facebook, twitter, livejournal and myspace for your new persona, Ravesh Kamir Khan, the king of daytime television in New Delhi.

Third, stage a conversation with your ‘agent’ whilst in a coffee shop, bistro or quiet to dull roar bar during which you bemoan Oprah’s cancellation but accept Larry King’s invitation for an interview as he is retiring soon and you want to do him a favour. Hang up.

Fourth, order yourself an irish coffee, whiskey or beer.

Fifth, when the honeys come flocking, stipulate clearly that you thrive on anonymity and that your highly successful day time talk show in New Delhi has only made you the third richest man in India.

And rest, my friend, is up to you. Just remember to Suit up!

Best of luck and good hunting!

 

Reply to Reply to Reply Post to Blog Post: There IS NO Playbook: ~~Play 111 The Defacto Default~~

From: TheMightyRaj

I got so drunk that I ended up buying the whole bar a round of drinks so now I am flat broke but ... she came home with me.

And then she saw where I lived and realised that I couldn’t be a famous Indian Talk Show Host and live in a crummy one bedroom apartment in Pasadena.

So now I am broke and still alone.

Thanks for nothing.

 

Reply to Reply to Reply Post to Blog Post: There IS NO Playbook: ~~Play 111 The Defacto Default~~

From: the BroMaster

Step  2b, rent a swanky room at the Beverley Hills Hilton, dumbass. Do I have to think of everything?

 

Fin

 

 


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